Monday, March 11, 2013

The missing dog

 Authors Notes:
1. I'm not really trying to get anything across but just make a surprise at the end when what he thought happened didn't. 
2. I think the twist at the end was the easiest to right and kind of pulled the whole story together to make it the most interesting.
3. The weak areas of my paper are probably the detail within the story for certain parts. 
4. I would like feedback on spelling & grammar.

     Justin woke up on a Saturday morning. As usual he woke up late in the morning but he had a hockey game at 12:00 so he had to get ready. About an hour before he was going to his hockey game he thought he would take his dog. He remembered that his dog slept in his bed so where was he now? He figured the his mom let his dog out of his room so he went to go ask his mom where his dog went and she said he was out in the back yard. So he went out in the back yard and there was a hole in the fence where his dog was suppose to be. He was in the woods.





    Max! Max where are you! Justin jumped over his fence into the woods and ran for thirty minutes looking for his dog when he stumbled upon a cave. He figured theres no way he would go in through the cave. Its way too dark to go through there. As he turned to go look through more places in the woods he heard a loud bark in the cave. He jumped and turned and he looked in the cave. It was pitch dark and you could not see anything. He took out his phone and used it as a light source. He traveled through the cave for hours looking for his dog then all of a sudden he got to where the sound was. It was a tape recording of a dog barking...

 

      He was so confused and frustrated at what happened. So many things were running through his head. How hes going to get out, where his dog is now, why is this here, etc. All of a sudden his phone shut off and he was in pitch darkness. He heard a loud noise then a laughter. Then someone the phrase “Welcome to hell hahaha” echoed throughout the cave. Justin was more scared then confused at this point. He started running and ran into a wall. He was trying his best to be as careful as possible so he didn’t hurt himself again but he wanted to get away from this person. As he was running he got stopped at a dead end and a wall raised behind him. All of a sudden the room filled with tear gas and Jason fell asleep.
    Jason woke up. He was now in a very small room tied up to a wall. A guy walked into the room who was very tall and had body armor on. He said,


 
 
“Do you know who i am?”
“No... What, what did you do to my dog! Why am i here?!"
“Oh, no worries your dog is right here. Why are you here? Thats a good question. Well you won’t be here for long.”

The guy integrating Jason now pointed a gun at him. He shot him once and left the room.Jason was now bleeding out. Right when he was on the brink of death he woke up. He opened his eyes and he was in a hospital.
“What? Where am I?” Jason said slowly
 “You’re in the hospital. You had a concussion. If it makes you feel any better we won the game on a powerplay because of the guy who got a penalty who checked you. You should be back on your feet in time for the playoff game!”
“But, but what about Max? He ran through my fence and I had to go jump over my fence to get him! I thought he was in the woods but then I came across a cave and he was inside the cave and some weird guy shot me and i was about to die!”
    “Wow that must have been some dream you had Jason! Haha. Don’t worry you will be better soon. Must have been them medication they put you on.”
    The next day Jason woke up. His mom was right beside him reading a magazine. His mom said, “Oh Jason you’re awake. Are you ready to go home now? Jason said, “Yeah. Lets go home”. Jason’s mom brought him back home. It was one hour before Jason’s playoff game. Jason took a nap right before his game to make sure he had plenty of energy when he played his game. He went down stairs and asked his mom where his dog was. He wanted to take his dog for a walk before the game and so he could get some exercise too. She said he was outside on the lawn. So Jason went outside to see where his dog was. There was a hole inside the fence...

3 comments:

  1. 1. The conflict of the story is Jasons dog ran away. It was external. it was resolved by him realizing he got a concussion from the hockey game. it could have been more dramatic if things didn't happen so quickly.
    2. The protagonist and antagonist don't change.
    3. I didn't have a favorite part because the story happened way to quickly.
    4. The conflict is the best part.
    5. I think the theme is supposed to be suspenseful.
    6. It needs to be longer. It was hard to get into because everything happened so quickly in the story.

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  2. The struggle was justins dog ran away.
    Neither things changed
    My favorite part was when he found the tape recorder
    Their wasnt a theme
    MAKE IT LONGER!!!

    ReplyDelete